Innocence Lost...

When I was a kid (and in some cases even well into young adulthood) I held some, what turned out to be, fundamentally flawed beliefs. They were all based in reality, but a reality which my 5 or 8 or 16 year old mind never bothered to examine very closely for some shred of plausability. My subconscious decided these were facts, and they became so. Of some I was disabused suddenly, others faded into the truth over time and I am now unable to pinpoint the exact moment when I realized I'd been wrong all those years.

Examples, you ask? In rough chronological order, then, beginning around age 5:

Firefighters must be men. How on earth would women be able to aim their stream of pee with enough accuracy to extinguish a house fire? ( I blame this one on my parents' choice of sex (and general anatomy) education from a very early age. The first book I ever read was "Where did I Come From", and I can assure you, there was not a stork to be seen in this cartoon-illustrated book... How I managed to avoid acknowledging all of those hoses in pictures of firefighters, I'll never know. Let's call it a Freudian omission.)

Age 6-9: All those people on the other side of the world are big fat jerks. They refuse to tell us about all the bad things that are about to happen, even though they must know. After all, they are one whole day ahead of us. If it's November 11th there and November 10th here, they already read November 10th's newspaper. Why can't they just tell us there's gonna be a big earthquake??

Age 8: Chop-A-Pecan is a black woman singer famous in the 80's for popular songs such as "I Feel for You" (... I think I loooove you...). Oh Chop-A... so good.
(If you're still in the dark about this one, say Chop-A-Pecan a few times fast out loud...)

Age 16 (This one persisted perhaps even up until the moment, 2 years ago, when I moved to Washington DC) : The Washington Redskins are the football team representing Washington state and named after a much-loved potato variety. (I'm no football idiot, either - I spent many a Sunday afternoon as a kid eating dog-biscuit shaped cookies and screaming into the TV during games as if I were immersed in the end-zone melee called "The Dog Pound" at Browns Stadium.)

There are so many more... I'll keep you posted.


Blogger Elizabeth said...

What? They aren't Washington state? What are they named after? Isn't DC in the cluster fuck of Patriots followers?

12:02 PM  
Blogger Lay Lady Lay said...

No! Can you believe that shit? They are actually the friggin' DC Indians essentially. We Browns fans were duped. I see I'm not the only one.

1:28 PM  

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