Bring Back the Bong!
Oh, yes-- it occurs to me that while I'm farting around at work I should also share an insight uncovered over the past weekend, which I spent in the Outer Banks with friends.

I warn you, it is not a trenchant insight, but I think it qualifies as "news you can use." Here 'tis: The best (and for me, from now on--the ONLY) way to drink cheap domestic beer is via Beer Bong.

Yeah, that's right, I'm sending out a rallying cry to bring back the Bong. Or beer funnel. Or whatever the heck you and your buddies called it in college. I mean, no one drinks Miller Light because it tastes so dee-lightfully frosty-liscious they just can't help themselves. Noooo. We drink Miller Light, Coors Light, Bud, Pabst, Natty and The Beast because they are cheap, cold, relativley tasteless, and better than water for getting you fucked up at the beach. Right?

Anyway, Ye Olde Bong is a highly effective frosty barley pop delivery mechansim. It just requires that you--say it together now, kids--RELAX YOUR THROAT AND SWALLOW FAST.

Yeah, yeah I know there are lots of theories floating around out there about the natural famale aptitude for beer bonging--due to practice, ya know, at opening the throat during certain sexual acts. To this I say, whatever. I'm no friggin doctor.

All I know is, after years of leading a Bong-free existance, I am just as profficient at the skill as I once was, oh those many years ago in college. Turns out it is like riding a bike. Plus, I get to drink beer without tasting, well, beer. So for me, a win-win. And lastly, I will add--post-Bong belches (while often a bit watery) can be highly satisfying.

So there. My case is made. Go here to get your own Bong: http://megaflowco.com. Because you can't use mine.