Movie Mini Review: More like the "Pukes of Hazzard" (HAHAHahaha!!)

And if you liked that joke, maybe this is the movie for you.

Yours truly went and saw 'Dukes of Hazzard' last night. I will not even bother to explain how i got roped into this (guilt, guilt guilt from Youngster). But I will say that it was truly, honestly, the shittiest piece of work I've paid $9 for in quite some time.

Let me say that yes, I am a fan of the 70s TV series. And no, I do not think the original is sacred, or even "good" in terms of plot, characters, or any of the measures by which we typically rate television shows. By those measures, the original Dukes was bad TV. But it was GOOD bad TV, you know? It was campy, it made use of redneck stereotypes, it over-sexualized women, they all had poufy curl-tastic 70s hair, and the muscle cars were more charismatic than the actors.

But at least it wasn't trying to be what it was not. And on occasion, it was actually FUNNY.

The new Dukes movie is so bad it makes my ass want to suck a lemon (to paraphrase Mama K). Allow me to specify:

At one point Bo suggests to Luke--apropos of nothing--that it is OK if Uncle Jesse gets killed, because then they can have the farm [pause for riotous laughter]. Then Bo says: "just kidding, man!!" HAHAHAHAHAhahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!! What's funnier than that??

Oh yeah, and Burt Reynolds is just like Boss Hogg, if Boss Hogg lost 100 pounds and got every line on his face tanned, botoxed and lifted until it was as orange-y and airbrushed as Jessica Simpson's ass.

And--here is a "Dukes" joke, as delivered by Willie Nelson (Unc. Jesse) who seemed as if he had received THC therapy and a colonoscopy on the same day (read: wobbly-kneed and glazey-eyed).
Q: "Why do divorces cost so much?
A: Because they are worth it!!!!

Do not, under any circumstances, go to see this movie. I understand that there are plenty of guys out there who are in it for the Daisy Duke Asscheek factor. Do not kid yourself. If you want to see some tits and ass, go buy a Hustler. It has more dignity that this film.

Wanting the 2 hours of her life back, even if they are spent shouting for jello at the old folks home,


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