Karmic Retribution Can Kiss My Lily-White Ass

Yep, I know it's been a while since I’ve pimped out my personal life for online laughs (got burned on that one when the ex-BF found this blog--yeeOUCH) but I just love you all so much--and trust you not to judge, lest you too be judged (and you KNOW you've done some baaaad stuff--you're just smart enough not to tell the blogosphere about it)


Yesterday I was shamelessly slacking on doing actual work and exchanging snarky IMs with a coworker. The verbal jousting had been going on for some time, and reached its zenith when said coworker began to taunt me over the "wall" of my "office" (read: cube). To squelch his 'tude once and for all, I sent the following message to Coworker X: "Shove it, ass-monkey." Turns out however, that I actually send the missive to MY EFFING BOSS. Who then responded with a confused "What?!" to which I replied (I shit you not) "You heard me." It was at this point that I realized I had IMed the wrong person, and sent profuse apologies to BossLady, who took it with amazing grace and humor. Still, my new office nickname appears to be Ass-Monkey. Which is just the super-professional tone I was hoping to set in my new management role with BigCompany. Awesome.

To add insult to injury, I found myself confronted with more karmic reality later the same evening at a local watering hole, where I encountered A) some bartender I drunkenly gave my number to months ago, accompanied by a sluttish note that I think may have actually contained the words "hottie" and "call me!!!" Urg. and B) VisorBoy, who you may recall being featured in an earlier post on this very blog. Thankfully, I kept my eyes on my beer and avoided an embarrassing conversation with both, but still--last night seemed much like Viola's Greatest Hits of Drunken Miscalculations. If only some guy named "Cheyenne" (for real, people) from college had showed up--could have been the trifecta.

Sooo... Karmic lessons learned: 1.) don't hit on the bartender--no good can come of it, and you will not get your drinks comped 2.) do NOT blog about bad sexual encounters, even if they were kinda funny (and may I re-emphasize--VERY VERY BAD) and 3.) stop fucking off at work.

Oops, already screwed up that last one.
Gotta run!



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